Starbucks…Four Bucks and Forty Minutes Later

Pathetic as this may sound, I was excited to hear that a drive-thru Starbucks was opening in my town. Just to be clear I do not live in a town deprived of much and in this small town of 26,000+/- residents we already have 2 Starbucks placed on either side of our town lines.  My one addiction is a cup of Starbucks coffee and to get it without getting out of my car in the morning – is my lazy pleasure.  To quote Dr. Frank n Futer of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, I was shivering with antici…..pation for this drive-thru to open!

Starbucks + Drive-Thru = Convenience!  Yes, in theory.

Tuesday Morning at 8 am:

As I drive down our main road I spot the green and white flag – NOW OPEN.  Yes, I think to myself, my life has just become slightly more convenient…or so I thought.  I pull up into the moderate car line leading to the order kiosk. The line is moving oddly slow, but I patiently wait my turn, thinking and hoping it’s because Starbucks has just opened.  First week…just working out the kinks…all is good.

After additionally more wait time, I move up to number 2 in the queue, window down and ready to place my order, I’m intrigued by the fact that I can hear every word very clearly coming from the Blonde in the Mercedes SUV ahead of me.

Blonde in Mercedes SUV orders:  (which has been repeating in my head for days)

“I’d like a “Trenta” not cold, but hot –  I know you can do this – with breve, pike coffee, double red eye, but split shots with ½ vanilla, ½ cinnamon, 3 ½ pumps of peppermint syrup, with ½ packet of Splenda, a sprinkle of raw sugar, and a pinch of white sugar, stirred slowly, with a dollop of whipped cream, drizzled with chocolate and caramel sauce, extra wet, extra hot, but not too hot, just hot enough so it will last for my morning errands, double cup with the sleeve, two lids and a green stopper so it doesn’t spill.”

Then silence.

And as if the gods of “WTF” were calling, the Barista from inside presses her talk button and says, “Can you repeat that?”

Trapped in the queue with no way to get out, I was feeling like this could be the equivalent to water boarding.  First of all, Trenta she got me from the get go.  And Breve?  Definition = half and half.  I was thinking she forgot to ask for:  a hint of star dust, cross your fingers, stir counter clock-wise and blow a kiss for good luck!

Thank goodness the Barista was quick on the second run through and I was on my way to the pick-up window.  Almost there…Blonde Mercedes SUV Woman in front of me and in slow-motion the Barista opens the window and hands off the Trenta/Breve, double cupped, double lid, WTF coffee concoction and it disappears into the Blonde Mercedes SUV Woman’s car.  As soon as I thought we had lift-off, the flight was aborted and I see the Blonde Mercedes SUV Woman’s arm come back out as she hands this coffee potion back to the Barista!  And as if I thought it couldn’t get any worse or take any longer, the pick-up window slowly closes.  That’s never good for a quick turnaround.

Forty minutes later stressed, blurred and in need of that 1st cup of coffee, I was able to move to the pick-up window and get my own now lukewarm coffee to start my day.  The Barista didn’t seem too perturbed by the order before me, but I swear I heard her let out a growl as she handed me my coffee.  And if this experience wasn’t enough to ruin the start of my day, I pull up to the exit and as Murphy’s Law would have it, this Blonde Mercedes SUV Woman is attempting to turn left onto a road that parallels a small raceway and yup I’m still behind her!   This woman needs to wake up and smell the coffee!  And that’s my time!

P.S.  Hey Blonde Mercedes SUV Woman – I’m looking for you because you owe me: forty minutes of my life back, a ½ tank of gas I wasted idling while in line behind you and four bucks for my “Grande” Starbucks coffee!  Grrrrr!

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